Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief Paperback – June 27, 2017

If grief had a language, Joanne Cacciatore speaks it fluently—and writes it like a sacred prayer.Bearing the Unbearable isn’t just a book. It’s a lifeline, a hand reaching out from the darkest depths of loss and whispering, “You are not crazy. You are grieving. And you are not alone.”Joanne is not just an author. She is the grief guru—the only one who truly understands the searing, soul-crushing weight of loss in its most unfiltered, primal form. Her words are not polished with platitudes. They bleed. They ache. They hold space for the kind of pain most people run from.As someone who has lived through the kind of loss that splits your life in two—the before and the after—I can say with certainty: this is the only book that has ever met me where I actually am, not where others think I should be. Joanne doesn’t try to fix you. She doesn’t try to pull you out of the fire. She sits with you inside it, honoring your heartbreak as something sacred.Reading this felt like someone had finally put my grief under a microscope and gently said, “This matters. You matter. Your pain is valid.”Every page is both a balm and a blade. She tells the truth when the world demands we be silent. She gives permission to feel it all—rage, despair, longing, love—without apology.If you are grieving, or love someone who is, Bearing the Unbearable should be in your hands. It’s not a cure. It’s not a solution. It’s something far more rare: the truth.Joanne Cacciatore has given the grieving world a gift we didn’t even know we needed—language for the unspeakable.

Best book on grief I’ve read!

recommend if you just lost someone you love.

I gifted this to my best friend after her mother passed away and she really enjoyed the book

My son died 2 1/2 months ago very suddenly. Since then I've been exploring writings on grief. Some books are inane and redundant and completely unhelpful. Not so with "Bearing the Unbearable." I appreciated the personal stories shared and the concepts connected with him. I dog-eared pages as I read, knowing I had just found a concept that could be helpful to me in the days ahead.

If you ever find yourself wondering what to do for someone who has experienced the death of a child or someone close to them, buy two copies of this book. Give the first copy to the bereaved, and read the other copy to educate yourself on how to comfort your grieving loved one. The cost of the book is a fraction of what it takes to have flowers delivered, and it will do far more good and have a much more lasting impact than any bouquet could offer. Of the many books I have read about grief and loss, this was by far the most helpful. Before I was even halfway finished with this book, I ordered another ten copies to give as gifts. As of this writing, I have four copies left.Writing as someone who facilitates support groups for parents whose children have died and as a bereaved parent, I wholeheartedly recommend this book to anyone who is grieving or who wants to help someone who is. After the deaths of my two oldest sons at the age of 21, the depth of my grief terrified me. I dared not fully surrender to it, afraid of where it might take me and unsure of whether I could ever return to a functional life afterwards. To me, grief was a feeling I suppressed as much as possible, and something I fought like a tiger when I could not escape its clutches. Dr. Cacciatore helped me (in her words) “to understand that monster [grief] isn’t separate from me.” "Bearing the Unbearable" lays bare the process of grief, making it available for inspection and understanding. And seen in the light of day, I found it to be far less frightening.Some writers are great storytellers and some have a poetic way with words; others are masters of their subject matter. Dr. Cacciatore combined all three talents to produce a book that is loving, informative, unflinching, soothing, honest (sometimes brutally so), and uplifting. Although the book is an easy read and I am a voracious reader, I did not finish it in one sitting. I paused frequently to savor Dr. Jo’s words and let them sink into my heart and soul. I then re-read the book with a highlighter at hand, marking some passages that I believed would be valuable in a support group setting, and other sections that seemed to have been written just for me. Chapters 12 and 18, "Intensity and Coping" and "The Practice of Being With", were inspiring to me as a facilitator. "Early Manifestations of Grief", Chapter 4, is the most heavily highlighted chapter in my copy, and it has proved particularly helpful in group with the newly-bereaved. But Chapter 13, "Contraction and Expansion", truly spoke to my soul. It defined for me in hindsight a process that I have experienced time and again since the deaths of my sons. I came to see that my periods of contraction were not evidence of a failure to cope, but were instead a valuable coping mechanism.As she is well-acquainted with grief in its many forms, Dr. Cacciatore’s thoughtful words serve to make bereavement less terrifying. Her unique understanding of grief makes me certain that I can navigate this journey, and relying on "Bearing the Unbearable" gives me confidence that I can help others do it, too.Dr. Cacciatore - Thank you for this book. Harriet Beecher Stowe could have been describing you when she wrote: “There are in this world blessed souls, whose sorrows all spring up into joys for others; whose earthly hopes, laid in the grave with many tears, are the seed from which spring healing flowers and balm for the desolate and the distressed.”

When I say don't get over it, go with it, that's what Dr. Jo says we should do when grief hits us like an empty gas tank. Friends will ask how are you doing which means they hope you will say you are doing pretty darn good, but you're not. Other times people will say you should be over the grief by now, but you're not. If you are having a fairly stress free day and out of nowhere you burst into uncontrollable crying don't try to stop crying.....go with it......go with the emotion of crying tears for someone you lost. There is no expiration date to stop grieving.The stories in this book will show that you are not alone. Sometimes you will say to yourself......yeah, that happened to me. Those who want to comfort you avoid the sharp pieces of glass because they don't want to make you cry. They mean well but they don't know that the composure you hold is only for them, it's not how you really feel. This book will show you that tears are about love so you shouldn't hold them back. Express your love with as many tears as you want for as long as you want. There is no expiration date on grief.After reading this book you will know how to comfort others by encouraging them to talk about their loved one. People want to tell you what a wonderful person he/she was. I did that recently when my son-in-law died. He was a good friend to me in addition to being a great son-in-law. I grieve for myself but also for my daughter who lost the love of her life. We talk about him all the time through tears of love for a man who made our lives so much better.Go with the cry, don't run away from it.