Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy

First, let me say I did NOT get a free copy of this book for review - I bought it (pre-ordered it from his Storyline site). And I loved it!My interest in Don's work might be a little different from most. I have yet to read "Blue Like Jazz" (although I'm sure I will eventually). I found out about Don through an organization he was involved in founding, The Mentoring Project, which recently came to my city. I read his book on fatherhood (and lack thereof), "Father Fiction", which like "Scary Close" is a very intimate and readable walk through "life with Don".I loved "Scary Close" for many reasons. Don is a very readable author who doesn't try to impress the reader with his brilliant intelligence and profound insights, but he does have a way of presenting very profound concepts in an easily digestible way. He is a Christian and makes no attempt to hide the fact, but neither does it beat you over the head with it. The ideas and experiences he shares are just...human. He sounds very human to me, like a guy you'd love to hang out with and discuss Deep Thoughts and The Meaning of Life, and you know it wouldn't be boring and he wouldn't monopolize the conversation. His books are pretty much like conversations with a friend, someone who isn't afraid to share the not-so-flattering moments in his life.Which leads me to this book about his journey from what I would characterize as "regular guy" (albeit a little more successful than average) to someone who is struggling to "get" relationships and how to make them *really* work and not just *seem* to. Although it's told in the context of his courtship of his fiance (and eventually wife) Betsy, it includes other relationships with mentors and friends. The concepts and revelations he presents are universal. If I were to boil it down, it would be: Be real, because avoiding pain isn't worth being alone.Whether we will admit it or not, we all have our defense mechanisms that hold people at arm's length until we decide whether or not they are safe to reveal our "real self" to. Some people (like Don), go through life holding everyone at arm's length to a greater or lesser extent (even intimate partners and close friends) and thereby miss out on the joy of true, intimate relationship. In his typically easy-going, conversational style Don walks us through his journey from realization of who he is and the layers of emotional protection he has built up, through the discovery of why he felt he needed that protection and what from and into the painful yet freeing process of peeling back the layers and becoming authentic and vulnerable to his fiance, friends and mentors. As you walk through the process with him, you can almost feel the weight coming off his shoulders and the growing freedom that comes with being real and authentic without the dysfunctional tics and defense mechanisms.I read this book rather slowly, because each chapter presents another step or two in his journey and provides ample room for thought. If you think you'd like to begin the journey to intimate, authentic relationships (getting "Scary Close"), you'll probably want to take time to mull over each step and revelation. You may not agree with every single concept he presents, but most felt true to me and this book has challenged me to become a more authentic friend, father and husband. I have a feeling I will be reading it again and again.

I am good at relationships. But I am also bad at them.After reading Donald Millers Scary Close I am willing to admit that fact. But I can only begin to imagine the gut wrenching days and nights that Don spent writing this book. Having this in mind, I would sum up this book with a single word, "honesty" and this is the key to the whole book, and the entire message that Don is trying to get across to his readers.In Scary Close, Don spends a good majority of the book looking at his own personal "demon" as I would call it. His demon is that of himself, and without giving away the book, a demon that tries to cover up and shield himself from the world. And when you think about it, don't all of us have our own demons that some of us try to cover up?Don points out key aspects throughout Scary Close that look at the inner demons keeping us from having true relationships with those around us. Some of those talking points in the book include, but are not limited to: Everyone's Got a Story and it's Not the One They're Telling, Performance Anxiety in Real Life, Five Kinds of Manipulators, The Stuff of a Meaningful Life and more.Don does an amazing job of showing the reader his inner most fears, desires, and regrets in life. My only wish is that Don would do a better job of explaining how he mentally overcame these fears. It's all great as we hear that he has these problems, fears, regrets and desires, and it's great that Don overcame them. The problem is that he overcame them through certain activities or friends that we may not have access to. If we understood deeper about what it takes to overcome our shortcomings that make us bad at relationships, we may be able to overcome them in our life. BUT Scary Close is not a self-help book, at least I don't think so.What Scary Close does for me is that it opens my eyes in a way that I have needed for a long time. As I was reading the book there were countless moments where I felt that Don was speaking directly to me. In moments of fear that I didn't want to turn into someone that didn't have meaningful relationships with friends, coworkers, and loved ones I realized that I needed to pay closer attention to Scary Close as I was reading. It reminds me that I am not alone, that there is always going to be someone just like me, having the same issues and fears as I do. Scary Close has opened my eyes to honesty, and being honest in a way that will change how I approach and maintain my relationships for the rest of my life.This book is for those of us that are pure human, those of us that make mistakes, those of us that are vulnerable. Scary Close will change how you approach your thought process on relationships and will bring you closer to being a raw, true human, flaws and all. Because of this, it will remain on the bookshelf in a location that I will easily be able to reach. You're good at relationships, and Don will help you see this.My review can also be found on my website - www.edswebb.com

It's a really easy to read type of book! Love his story because I found myself in it a lot. If you are dealing with identity crisis or problems with relationships - this is the book. It's not really a "how to" book. More like a story of a man with all it's truth.

Sorry, had high hope for this book as I follow his blog and have read his previous books but I found this incredibly self-absorbed and as another reviewer notes- two weeks later, I struggle to think of anything particularly memorable or useful to apply.

This book is truly beautiful.Three of us have read it now and our friendship is turning into a real love for one another as we recognise the safety of real intimacy and lose our fear of being truly open.Possibly the most important move ever.

Amazing! So hard to put down!

Wow !