Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your LifeI do not ask this lightly. I realize you are very busy with many projects. I ask this both from a philosophical point of view and a personal one.The main question that she poses everyone is: "Can you absolutely know that that is true?" And of course, everyone eventually answers, "No I can not absolutely know that is true." It seems to me that this is a kind of reductio ad absurdum argument. Do you agree? Nonetheless, it is a useful inquiry for two reasons: 1) and this is her point, it therefore liberates people from the tyranny of their own thoughts, and 2) it asks us to think about both the nature of scientific inquiry, and the role of perception in our lives. I seriously am thinking about getting T-shirts printed up that say; "Your perception is not accurate."The philosophical point of interest to me goes like this: ( our awareness of) Consciousness exists. How can it not exist? Answer: one possibility is that that is true( a true statement) ( our) ( awareness of) Consciousness will not exist.. But we can never know that anything is true, so we can never know that our awareness of our consciousness will not exist, is a true statement. And we can never know that our awareness of our consciousness will exist is a true statement. The point is , even when we get there-after death, we still will not know, since we can never know anything absolutely.If we can never answer the question, "Can you absolutely know that is true?" with a definitive yes, then we can never answer whether our awareness of life is an absolute fact, nor will we be able to answer that question definitively once we are dead. Whether self awareness will carry forward after death, or NOT, in either case, it is simply not possible to ever answer that question with a definitive yes.Those who answer that question with a definitive yes, are simply stubborn, and upon further examination, EVERYONE must answer this question with a no-, since we can never know that anything is ABSOLUTELY true. (Byron Katie points out that often those who answer that question with a yes, are holding on to the very belief systems that are causing them suffering- and that then, when asked, they admit, to bad feelings within them. )This may be due to the fact that the universe is always changing..Therefore we can not really know that our consciousness either exists or cease to exist. This is summarized in the famous Koan of Chuang Tzu, asking whether he is a person dreaming he is a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming he is a person? This is a true paradox, not a contradiction. It was contemplation on this paradox, among other work, that made the Buddha, the Buddha. And the philosophy of Byron Katie, on this point, is very similar to that of Pema Chodrun, or Chogyam Trungpa- not a surprise, she is married to Stephen Mitchell, a foremost Taoist writer. Both Buddhism and Byron Katie get you to loosen the hold of your own thoughts, ultimately,in my opinion, they say not to believe your own thoughts. The Technique of Byron Katie is simply to let your gut tell you what is true: in her view, if you feel bad, there is something that is " not sitting well with you", and therefore, your thoughts are in conflict with reality. And reality is what has actually happened up to that point.The logical extension of this, which she does not shirk away from, is to tell everyone that reality is good, is always good. There is even a conversation with a German war survivor ( interestingly, not a Holocaust survivor). She takes her reductio ad absurdum to absurd levels- with possibly good results. That is the question I want to ask you, what do you think about taking it to these extremes? It certainly has been lucrative for her, judging by the cost of her worldwide workshops. She does not tell people that it was good that the Holocaust happened, but I submit to you, she does put people in an inescapable headlock-the headlock, of "can you absolutely know that is true? .. and she does not deny that no one can ever absolutely know that anything is true.. she simply uses that position to get people to let go of whatever thoughts are causing them suffering- and that is identical to Buddhist practice. So, I am asking intelligent people to comment on this line of thinking, and to first read the book. I personally find it useful, though I stop short of, in practice, thinking it is good when my oxygen machine does not work at night, or in saying that the Holocaust was good. If someone runs through the door and chops off my leg, is that good? She would sayu, and does, say, unequivocally, YES.And deep down, I guess I do agree with her: reality is always good:even the Holocaust. I would not be here without it. Etc. I actually find the reductio ad absurdum argument inescapable. Hard to put in practice, not the best picture of what research studies would show is our dominant, psychological reality, but accessible to at least some of the human race. In the same way that under extreme circumstances MOST any, (but not all) human will do any thing, commit crimes-that we all have within us murder and love-, and perhaps where evolution is pointing to for us as a species, it is possible for MOST, if not each of us, to accept whatever, teh circumstances of our life, in each moment, and love and accept them. That would be the compassionate stance that she and other great religious teachers are pointing us towards.

I've read many, many self-help, leadership, and management books over the years as I strove to be the best mentor and assistant to my editors as possible. Sometimes the books can blur together and seem to offer the same advice over and over again. I was delighted when I picked up "Loving What Is" by Byron Katie, and found that its message was not only refreshingly new, but was directly, immediately, and globally helpful. It was a technique you could apply to literally any person or situation that was bothering you in life, and work towards finding a way to end the stress surrounding it.Byron calls her technique "The Work". In essence there are four steps to looking into any issue in your life.Let's say you have an issue with a parent who you feel does not treat you the way you want to be treated. First, you write out your strongest feelings about the person. You allow yourself to rant and clear your system of all that anger or fear or frustration.Now you start with the first sentence in your rant, whatever it happens to be. Let's say it was "My father always treats my siblings better than he treats me!!"Question 1: "Is it true?" Really think about it. Does this statement feel true to you, when you really sit down and look at it? Maybe you realize that no, this was an exaggeration. That it only happens sometimes. You could also feel yes, it IS true. There are no right or wrong answers. This is about evaluating things clearly.Question 2: "Can you ABSOLUTELY know that it's true?" Maybe from HIS point of view he is treating everyone fairly, and it's something about the way you see things - that you ignore the things he does for you and pay sharp attention to the things he does for the other siblings. Is it absolutely true that from his point of view he is always deliberately showing preference? Sometimes giving through to these issues can help you have a better understanding of them.Question 3: "How do you REACT when you think that thought?" Realize that while his action might take up 10 seconds, your replaying over and over again of the action could take up years of your life. You and your thoughts are destroying your joy, while his action was maybe 10 seconds long. Your own brain and thoughts are the prime actor here!Question 4: "Who would you be WITHOUT the thought?" This is a really challenging one and can take some people a lot of time to wrap their mind around. What if you were somehow able to be in a situation where you were NOT always thinking that your father liked your siblings better? Would you be happier when you were with your dad? Happier when with your siblings? Heck, happier all the time?There are "turn arounds" to consider as part of this. Take your statement and alter it to further explore the issue. So for example you would think "My father never treats my siblings better than he treats me." Could that be true? Could he actually be treating everyone fairly in his mind? How about "I treat my siblings and father better than I treat myself." If you are beating yourself up all day long every day just because of a "story" in your mind, aren't you treating yourself horribly, and in comparison you treat your family fairly well?Byron explains that thoughts are like raindrops - they just ARE. You watch them come and go - but you don't have to get emotionally wound up in them. You can choose to see them, understand them, and let them fall and go away.She gives many examples in the book, specific examples of specific people facing a variety of problems from spouses to children to parents to work situations and even incest and war. In every case the person is able to find more peace in their life. This is NOT about saying "what the person did to me is right." It is SIMPLY about saying "what the person did happened, and it is in the past, and it is my hanging onto this story and replaying it constantly in my mind which is now damaging me." You have to love yourself more than that. You have to let yourself heal, you have to nurture and care for yourself.This is the kind of book that you enjoy reading over and over, because each time you read it you gain more knowledge about how the process works, you gain more insight into specific problems you are having.I do wish they went into more detail about ways to get over inner resistance though. A lot of people are going to have strong resistance to giving up their stories. If their entire life has been based on the thought that "My childhood was unfair! It ruined my entire life! My life sucks because of my parents!!" it will be very hard for that person to release that story and move on. It is a core part of their being. Sometimes the examples in the book make it seem like you simply ask these four questions and POOF your mind instantly becomes serene. But for some people who have issues wrapped with a stranglehold around their sense of who they are, it will be much harder to unravel those tendrils. And really, those are the people who need this book the most.Well recommended for anyone who has issues in their life - but know that you have to be willing to really think about the issues. They won't vanish on their own. You have to be willing to take that step and imagine what life would be without this "story" giving you a crutch to lean on.

Llevo 1 capitulo y es muuuy bueno, lo recomiendo 100%, no te resuelve la vida, te da las herramientas que necesitas para lidiar con tus problemas y poco a poco TÚ MISMO ir resolviendo tu vida. No importa tu religión o creencias o si no tienes ninguna en absolutoFantástico.

I am reading Eckart Tolle since 2 years. Again and again. But I was not able to practice what I read.With Katies "Work" I feel I finally found the key, the missing puzzle piece. Finally it all makes sense. My life has changed so much for the better already! I am happy and clear like I have never been before. And I am forever grateful. This book is beyond awesome!Ich lese seit 2 Jahren Eckart Tolle. Wieder und wieder. Aber ich war nicht im Stande zu praktizieren, was ich da gelesen habe.Mit Katies "Work" habe ich endlich den Schlüssel gefunden, das fehlende Puzzelteilchen. Endlich macht all das Sinn. Mein Leben hat sich schon jetzt so sehr zum Besseren gewendet. Ich bin so glücklich und klar, wie noch nie in meinem Leben zuvor. Ich bin für immer dankbar. Dieses Buch ist unglaublich toll!

No doubt the book is really great,but the quality of paper used is cheap, charging 996 Rs for such pathetic quality of paper,while one read a book the quality of paper also matters the most,as it effects our eyes and brain.....Bryon Katie's work is amazing,but I think paper quality is cheap,u can get book in 150Rs from roadside sellers for such cheap quality of paper.....

I have just discovered Byron Katie. Where has she been all these years? :-)A few years ago I found myself face to face with my own death. I experienced the deaths of 15 friends and family in a little over a decade. These experiences kept happening with relentless regularity. I couldn't run from them or distract myself enough to keep them at bay. I was totally confused and deeply sad...It wasn't until I turned and faced the dragon that I realized there was a simple truth to it all. The process I developed to heal myself from my belief in dragon thoughts was effective. It is inquiry. I question everything.The Work makes it simple to question everything. Thank you, Katie, for your elegant assistance!The truth is simple. It always is. We make it complicated. Byron Katie's Work makes the complicated elegantly simple.Four simple questions will lead us to clarity.

Definitivamente um livro que muda nossas vidas. Nos ajuda a desfazer mágoas, ressignificar lembranças e relações. Sou grata a Deus por ter trazido essa leitura até mim e por ter inspirado a Katie a criar esse trabalho incrível