The Covert Passive-Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden Emotional and Psychological Abuse (The Narcissism Series)

Worthwhile read. Details behavior w examples. Strengthens resolve when determining relationships viability. Very helpful if you think you’re dealing with narcissist that is more complex.

Bingo! At last, bingo! I get it. With Debbie Mirza’s book I have finally been able to put together the last pieces of the complex, tangled jigsaw puzzle I’ve been piecing together through several years of psychotherapy. Everything fell into place when I read her book. Finally, finally I was able to read about MY experiences, MY own truth about being in intimate relationships with covert passive-aggressive narcissists—a perfect term for them. I’d often suspected narcissism lay behind their behavior, but when I’d read about narcissists as defined in the DSM or other books, things didn’t quite fit. But in Mirza’s book, all the pieces fit. I am a softhearted empath always ready to rescue anyone (or any living being) with love and compassion. I’m open and easily make myself vulnerable in an attempt to reach true loving communication with my other. That strength was turned against me by intimate others who needed to put me down so they could be in control, get things their way, get their needs met, my needs of no matter and unmet. It was so confusing! My intimates were the joy of my heart, one of them the love of my life, but then without warning, they would shun me, withdraw affection, gaslight me into thinking I’d done something terrible. I had no idea what I’d done to cause them to behave this way. But the truth is, I did NOT “cause” them to be emotionally abusive toward me. It was all about them, their inner demons, their needs, especially their need to keep me under their thumb so they could get their way and feel powerful rather than weak and insecure, which is how they truly felt. There is nothing I ever did to deserve this emotionally abusive treatment. It was not about me. It was all about the squirellyness going on inside them. I finally got it. Not a single other person who knew my intimates would ever suspect any of them were capable of emotionally abusive behavior. To the rest of the world, they were accomplished, lovely people. Covert abuse is the exact right term. Their facades were flawless. I understand my complicity—that my empath’s need to rescue and help others with love and kindness filled a need I had when I sought to rescue and help the narcissists in my life, whom I did love—a love each was incapable of reciprocating because they truly don’t get what love is. I understand now how I got into these painfully confusing relationships. I understand how I was the perfect target for their self-serving power plays. I also see myself clearly. I know who I am, and I am not who they tried to make me think I was when their gaslighting found me wanting. I am a thoroughly good and kind human being capable of love and caring. I am enough, just as I am, worthy of love and respect--at all times, not just the manipulative sweet times. This book helped me put all the pieces together. I was almost there on my own after years of psychotherapy, but this book showed me how the last pieces fit together and glued them in place. Thank you, Debbie Mirza. Last comment: Psychotherapists need to read this book. Out of five therapists over the past twelve years, only my current one clued me into “It’s not about YOU; this is on the other.” She recognized their unacceptable behavior, saw me for who I am, and guided me toward insights I needed into my intimate others and into myself. With my other therapists, the focus was on me fixing me, me “getting in touch with my emotions,” me learning to be “assertive,” me changing my attitude by keeping "a gratitude journal," me accepting that “this is the way a lot of men are” and I needed to deal with it—when what needed fixing was me getting out of these relationships sooner than ASAP and finding the freedom to be who I am. Getting out of the crazy-making relationship is the only way forward. There is no changing a covert narcissist. Heaven only knows, I tried. And failed, in my first marriage and in my second. I'm 82 now, and I've never been happier in my whole life just being me, unencumbered by intimate others who professed to love me but then would emotionally devastate me without warning or cause. I hope this book helps younger women get out of crazy-making relationships sooner than I was able to. I couldn’t put the book down. I underlined, highlighted, wrote notes in the margins, circled paragraphs, dashed off huge exclamation points. This book is going to help a lot of women.

Very compassionate and clearly written as she addresses narcissistic abuse. Maybe better in a narcissistic spousal relationship but still very good showing patterns and flying monkeys and all the things that narcissist use to manipulate and control the empathetic. Still reading as it takes time to work through all as you are reading. Simple read however and clear writing.

Love this book. Finally I have validation to all my inner thoughts and feelings. I never heard of this narcissist before but wow, I feel like it's writing my story. I've listened to it many times and shared with others. It's rewriting my narrative.

I have to say, I learned A LOT from reading this book. In fact, I reread it and the second time highlighted portions. I was so unaware of all the terms, love bombing, gaslighting, flying monkeys, and covert narcissist before I read the book. Then as I read it, I noticed many similarities with what had happened in my relationship with my now ex husband. I specifically remember the love bombing phase in the very beginning. I saw big red flags, but did not know what it was at the time. And I had convinced myself "I must deserve to be treated like a princess?" Yet, not long after marrying him, many of those traits stopped. Then the others crept in. And it wasn't until I found out he was having an affair, and we were going through five days of divorce court, I began to see a side of him I had never seen. Again, the book explained it all. I am now two years out of that marriage and I still get anxiety thinking about the possibility of even meeting another man and starting over. At least after reading this book, I know what to look out for. I highlighted the portions, second time around, because he had made my daughter (from a previous marriage) one of his flying monkeys, and I wanted her to read the book and see what he was doing. She and I are just now getting our relationship back on track and close to what it once was. These narcissists can really do a number on you!

Fantastic book that I've recommended often. If you are in a relationship of any type with a narcissist or psychopath, this book helps you to understand the disorder and helps you to be able to break free.

This book was VERY accurate to my experience within my abusive marriage. It was healing to know that I’m not alone in the process after the discard. 100% would recommend this to anyone who might be wondering if theyre dealing with a covert narcissist. You are not alone and you’re not crazy!

This book was incredibly eye-opening and healing. It put words to experiences I knew were real but hadn’t fully trusted myself to accept. Reading it brought clarity, validated my intuition, and gave me the strength to make difficult life decisions I had delayed out of fear. If you’re questioning your experiences or doubting yourself, this book can be truly empowering.

Reading this book has been life changing for me. I have read so many other books about narcissism and watched lots of YouTube videos but most of the information out there is on overt narcissism which adds on a layer of doubt and contributes to the cognitive dissonance. Because covert narcissistic abuse is so stealthy, the abuse can go on for decades without us being any the wiser. This book contains a treasure trove of information on not just how to know you are in a covert narcissistic relationship but also information on how to heal and reconnect with yourself which is so very important. Many times the realisation that one is in a covert narcissistic relationship can bring a sense of sadness, loss and grief and we switch between rumination, regret and hopelessness. Debbie reminds us of our inner strength and resilience and for that I am very grateful. Please buy this book if you have even a tiny inkling that you may be in a relationship with a CN. It will be your lifeboat as you navigate the rapids towards your exit!

Mirza does a fantastic job of explaining how these people operate. She breaks it down in a way that's easy to understand, even if you don't have a psychology degree. You'll find yourself nodding along, thinking, "That's exactly what happened to me!" But this book isn't just about pointing fingers. It's also about healing. Mirza offers practical advice on how to recover from the emotional damage caused by these toxic relationships. It's like having a supportive friend by your side, helping you piece your life back together. Whether you're questioning your own relationship or already on the road to recovery, this book provides invaluable insights and support. Mirza's compassionate approach makes it feel like you have a trusted friend guiding you through the healing process.

Interesting book, good as introduction

Caratteristiche tecniche = Pacco ricevuto in tempi brevi e ottime condizioni. Stampa grossa che sa di autoproduzione. Argomento = Sono appassionata di psicologia e personalmente preferisco approcci più accademici e dettagliati, per questo mi ha un po' annoiato. Mi rendo conto di aver sbagliato io nelle aspettative, perché il testo è dichiaratamente rivolto alle vittime degli abusi narcisistici, e ad aiutarle nel riconoscere ed affrontare queste problematiche, non ad accademici. Non me la sento quindi di dare un brutto voto per questo, perché penso che svolga il suo lavoro con efficacia. Forse nell'ottica del supporto, avrei scritto qualche esempio in più, dando meno spazio alla parte di incoraggiamento, per un migliore bilanciamento contenutistico.

Es un libro que te abre los ojos! Es genial para identificar relaciones personales narcisistas y cómo crear límites. Lo único es que está mayormente enfocado a las relaciones de pareja, pero me parece genial para identificar esas interacciones e tu circulo que no son tan obvias por ser pasivo-agresivas. Me abrió mucho los ojos y me dio pie a orientarme a qué continuar a leer.