Feel the Fear . . . and Do It Anyway

Easy concepts to practice conquering fear.

Well, I must confess that years ago I was lead to a class after the love of my life passed away suddenly. Just when I thought I would survive and become the single parent our 7 year old son needed, I was laid off from my job. The fear I felt paralyzed me. My former employer offered me the opportunity to take classes to help with my job search. One happened to be titled “Feel The Fear and Beyond”. The instructor was a kind and slightly familiar looking woman. She had compassion and kindness throughout her beautiful being. Slowly I began to “Do it anyway” and was able to move clear across country and find a beautiful place for our dear, sweet son. It all happened perfectly - until my son graduated high school and went off to college. Unfortunately, I had let go of the valuable lessons in this book. I couldn’t handle the deaths of my sister, my uncle, my dad and finally my mom. I went into such a deep depression that, although I put on a good show, I wasn’t functioning at all. I didn’t “wake up” until a check bounced at the bank because I had no more money in the bank. Thankfully, the Father helped me sell my house. But my sister became seriously ill with a heart condition. I flew to her bedside and then the pandemic hit. She recovered but I sank into a hole I couldn’t climb out of. Yet, one day a gift from above came!! The updated Feel The Fear and do it anyway!! I don’t know exactly what my future will be but I do KNOW that I CAN HANDLE IT!! This time I won’t let go but will keep moving forward.

Even the best therapist or the best self-help book is not right for everyone. A self-help book has the advantage that, if you think it's useless, you can just throw it across the room. Don't try that with your therapist. I usually suggest browsing through the self-help sections of the bookstores and seeing what fits. In general, for panic attacks, depression and agoraphobia I suggest Claire Weekes; for obsessive-compulsive disorder, Foa and Foa; for cutters, Tracy Alderman; for addictions, anorexia and alcohol there are so may I wouldn't know where to begin. We mustn't forget the good old Internet, where I think the government NIMH sites are most reliable. In spite of its title this book is not limited to phobias. In fact Jeffers mentions that she does not treat agoraphobia. The case examples she gives are of victims of mild but disabling degrees of social anxiety, marital maladjustment and worrying. She recommends that people seek therapists and support groups. She does not mention medication and does not deal with alcohol and drug use. There are a lot of do-it-yourself exercises. She does not give any evidence to support the effectiveness of these, but I don't think she needs to. You can try them and see. Some suspension of disbelief is called for. She does not use statistics or cite experimental work. She recommends Norman Vincent Peale's "Power of Positive Thinking", Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Yourself" and Maxwell Maltz's "Psychocybernetics" as well as the works of Victor Frankl, Rollo May and Jung. Her theoretical basis comes at the end of the book and is quite interesting but is not essential to the usefulness of the book It is psychodynamic and somewhat Jungian. Jeffers divides the mind into a "higher self" and a "chatterbox" and we are supposed to be able to call on a "Universal Energy" to help us ignore the Chatterbox and get into touch with the Higher Self.

Great Book, Definitely worth the read if you're into that sort of thing. Would recommend, very easy read too

Really transforming and also enlightening. In a way, also practical and useful for working on yourself. I will go for her other books and workbooks, and tools.

Loved reading this. Book. So manybtake aways. I have made so many notes to work upon myself. Feel the fear and do it anyway. We fear so much in our lives. Life is not meant to be fearful. Life is meant to be lived.

Man. How do you rate a book that steadily devolves from five stars down to one star? This starts out as a five star book. The first few chapters of this book have probably altered my world view permanently. Here's the gist of what really hit home for me: At the heart of every fear we have is one single fear: "I can't handle it." This is an absolute revelation, at least to me, because it means that there is one reliable (though still not easy) formula to be used for overcoming fear: convince yourself that you can handle it. She goes on to explain that the more we do things we're afraid of, thus proving to ourselves that we CAN handle danger, uncertainty, loss, loneliness, etc., the more we can feel confident that we will be able to handle similar experiences in the future. In other words, facing our fears is something we can practice and get better at, even if we can never completely obliterate fear from our lives. She goes on to talk about decision making. Decision making often induces fear because we're scared that if we make the wrong decision it can have disastrous consequences. She suggests that instead of thinking of a decision in terms of a "right choice" and a "wrong choice," we think of them simply as different choices, and that with the right attitude, we can experience growth and fulfillment in our lives regardless of which choice we make. She points out how even in horrible circumstances (losing a job, being diagnosed with cancer, losing a loved one), we are given tremendous opportunities to experience personal growth, and it gives us confidence to emerge triumphant from difficult circumstances. All great, great advice that I will definitely take to heart. She then goes on to talk about positive affirmations, achieving balance in life, choosing to love those who we feel have wronged us. This is where the book started to take a turn for the worse. I actually agreed with a lot of what she was saying. I don't deny that it's good to surround yourself with supportive people. I agree that it's good to identify goals in our lives and work towards them. But ... read the summary of this book: "Are you afraid of making decisions . . . asking your boss for a raise . . . leaving an unfulfilling relationship . . . facing the future? Whatever your fear, here is your chance to push through it once and for all. In this enduring guide to self-empowerment, Dr. Susan Jeffers inspires us with dynamic techniques and profound concepts that have helped countless people grab hold of their fears and move forward with their lives." Around Chapter 3 (only 15% into the book!), Jeffers starts veering pretty far away from the subject of facing your fears. A book should not be marketed as "Learn to face your fears!" if the majority of the book is only tangentially related to that subject. And then there was chapter 11. Allow me to post an excerpt from chapter 11: "I believe that what all of us are really searching for is this divine essence within ourselves. When we are far from our Higher Self, we feel what Roberto Assagioli has so aptly called 'Divine Homesickness.' When you are feeling this sense of being lost, or off course, the thing to do to find your way home again is simply to use the rools that will align you with your Higher Self--and thus allow the good feelings to flow once again." This is the point at which, in my mind, the book became a one star book. In summary, I think this book idea would have made an excellent essay or pamphlet. The first two chapters were invaluable. The rest were filler.

Some context: I am on page 84 of 167. I am age 60 and have had a useful career as a professional. Even so, there is still pervasive and paralyzing fear. Can I retire? Why do I feel so unsatisfied? Why do I feel “behind” or out of touch? I don’t like the way the world is changing, do I have to change with it? I want to keep earning, but a I really don’t feel like learning “new fangled” stuff. Will we have enough money? Etc etc…. From my view, this is an outstanding book and every chapter thus far has provided valuable insights that I will be required to read again, then again and then again. I am not going to beat myself up, but this book has pinpointed so many of my areas of weakness that it is uncanny. The first read, which I am still navigating, provides the possibilities and the hope. I see I can improve and grow….but I have to reiterate that you will need to read this book over and over to continue burning the concepts in….it is work. Given all of that, I would say this is the best book of analysis and self-help I personally have read and I have read A LOT! I say that because I differentiate between platitudes and straight talk and actionable skills to learn. There are many “cheerleading” books and those also are valuable….and there is some cheerleading in this book as well, but there is also a heck of a lot of straight talk and actionable content. I certainly don’t like some parts of the book - for instance the part accepting of leaving children while one goes back to school. I don’t know what age the children were so there could be some conjecture on my part, but if an individual wants children, my take is that a parent needs to be there for 18 years….sure, when they are 18 then go back and grow and make the world your stage. I can’t recommend this book enough even after only half of it - and I will be reading this one in Perpetuity….a confident 5 out of 5 stars. Thank You Dr Jeffers for a brilliant work….

Really a good book!

Incrível como a autora cria uma linguagem simples e fundamentada para nos fazer entender, transpor e transformar nossas emoções e visão de mundo frente as incertezas da vida.

This book provides an insightful and engaging look at the destructive effects of fear in all aspects of our lives and guidance on how this fear may be overcome. Anyone engaged in creating change will face their own fears and those of others and this book provides both an understanding of the roots for people's fears and an understanding of how people may be helped to understand and better deal with fear. The book highlights the paradox that whilst we seek the security of a fear free life, this creates an environment in which we are denied the satisfaction of achievement or advancement. The result is the catch-22 of fear of change and fear of staying the same. The conclusion is that fear is a necessary and essential element of life and pushing through fear is actually less frightening than living with the underlying fear that comes from a feeling of helplessness, hence `feel the fear and do it anyway'. The first part of the book creates a picture of the widespread and damaging effects of fear, in its many forms such as fear of changing jobs, fear of illness, fear of failure, etc. It introduces a progression of truths which serve to illuminate the effects of fear and build the case for the active choice of how fear is addressed. A simple but powerful picture presents the option to address fear through positive power rather than as a victim of passive pain. As you work through the book the emphasis shifts towards the actions that you can take to change your attitude and approach. A number of simple models and techniques are introduced which are presented in an easily understood form. When strung together these provide a structured programme with which to set about changing your attitude and behaviours. The book benefits from a liberal scattering of first hand accounts of people at various stages of succumbing to or addressing their fears. These stories do much to help explain the approach and provide an engaging dialogue and encouragement that lightens up the message and creates the feeling that improvement is possible. The book rightly confesses that though the message and techniques are relatively easy to understand their application presents more of a challenge, not because they are of themselves difficult but they have to be applied and sustained. The challenge therefore for any such book is to leave the reading list and bookshelf and become embedded in the actions of the reader. Does this book meet the challenge? I have adopted some of the techniques and recognise that others will be of benefit. Of course time will tell.

Da quando ho conosciuto questa scrittrice e i suoi libri il mio modo di pensare ha subito una trasformazione importante. Dato che desidero che anche i miei amici ne beneficino in questo modo mi capita spesso di comprarne copie e regalarle loro. Ho letto anche la versione italiana "conosci le tue paure e vincile", ma credo che questa in lingua originale sia molto migliore e più efficace. Lo consiglio a chiunque crede che la sua vita non possa cambiare e ha provato con vari libri di psicologia. Questo è tutta un'altra cosa perché insegna a cambiare radicalmente il proprio modo di vedere le cose. La cosa che rimane in mente nei momenti di sconforto è che provare paura è assolutamente umano. Ma si può sentire la paura dentro di noi e fare ugualmente quello che ci porta a realizzare i nostri desideri, le nostre mete, i nostri sogni.

Ich habe das Buch in einer vorherigen Ausgabe von 2009 gelesen. Ich war damals ein Angsthase und wollte viel loswerden. Das Buch hat mir echt geholfen! Bis heute erinnere ich mich an das Buch und habe es schon drei Mal verschenkt. In meinem Blog empfehle ich es. Was hatte mir besonders geholfen: 1. Der Kern der Angst ist, dass man Angst hat, mit den Konsequenzen nicht umgehen zu können. Aber bei den meisten Ängsten sind die Konsquenzen nur eingebildet oder bei weiten nicht so schlimm. Mantra: I can handle it. 2. Es wird eine Art Zielematrix darin beschrieben, wie man aus der Abhängigkeit rauskommt, wenn man sich zu sehr von einer Sache abhängig (im Buch eine Frau von ihrem Ehepartner... im realen Leben bspw. viele Menschen von Erfolg in ihrem Job). Die Zielematrix schreibe ich bis heute jedes Jahr für mich neu. Danke Susan!!