Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life

A very insightful book with practical advice. I’ve gone back to it multiple times and always find something new. Really helpful and meaningful.

This book is a comprehensive look at boundaries, what they are, and the need to set them in different areas of your life. It has a spiritual thread through it as well, which does not proselytize. It is also not overly clinical in the discussions of boundaries and it would be a great read that could resonate with anyone. It is a book I use in my life and with my therapy clients. Check it out for yourself! You might be surprised to see how much you resonate with the scenarios and how much you uncover about yourself in the process of learning.

DR HENRY CLOUD has been a guest speaker at my church on more than one occasion over the years. He’s an amazing speaker, and seems like a genuinely nice guy. When I heard about BOUNDARIES: WHEN TO SAY YES, WHEN TO SAY NO – TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE by DR HENRY CLOUD AND JOHN TOWNSEND, I decided to purchase it. I’m sorry to say I let it sit on my bookshelf for some time before finally reading it. Once I got started, I quickly realized what a treasure I’d stumbled upon. There’s so much good stuff packed into 304 pages, I can’t begin to cover it all. I will say that I have more dog-eared paged in BOUNDARIES, then I do in any other book I’ve ever owned. I didn’t realize I had boundaries issues until I read this book. There wasn’t a chapter I didn’t get something out of it or couldn’t connect with. I had thought about skipping the section on “Boundaries and Work”, since I’m no longer in the work field. I would have missed out if I had. It was a real eye opener to when I had worked, and packed with wonderful information if I ever decided to return to working. Boundaries are needed in all parts of our lives including, our family, friends, spouses, kids, and those we work with. We as individuals need to set our own boundaries as well. To not do so would only be cheating oneself. We also need to recognize that God has boundaries as well. BOUNDARIES will teach you all you need to know about boundaries in all aspects of your life, and how to apply them properly. I love the reference to Christianity, but even if you’re not a believer, I highly recommend this book. My copy of BOUNDARIES is filled with highlights, parentheses, and astericks. If I had to pinpoint the most valuable piece of information I took away, it would have to be in a paragraph on page 89. “What you can do is influence others. But there is a trick. Since you cannot get them to change, you must change yourself so that their destructive patterns no longer work on you. Change your way of dealing with them; they may be motivated to change if their old ways no longer work.” What amazing advice. How often do we gripe and groan about others? How often do we try to change others, whether in the way they act or what they say? And more importantly … how often do our efforts have a positive result? On page 89, BOUNDARIES teaches us that we are the ones that need to make a change, and by doing so, we may be instrumental in changing other’s life. I can’t even begin to guess how many people I’ve recommended this wonderful book too, packed full of knowledge for every person, written in a way that anyone can grasp. It’s a book that will remain in my home indefinitely.

Very good -most comprehensive and timeless, well researched and well written in communicate communicated. I learned a lot from this book to apply to myself to teach others.

I read this book solely because I could earn 12 continuing education credits towards renewing my national counseling certification and it wasn't a dry, boring textbook. In that respect, I'm completely happy with the book and it exceeded my expectations. Pros: The book was very easy to read though it got fairly repetitive in places. (I have the shortest attention span and patience for nonfiction reading.)The biggest plus of this book is that the author does great job of putting the book layman terms and making the concepts very applicable to every day life. I could see the concepts of this book being very beneficial almost everyone as boundaries are a tricky concept to navigate. As with most self-help books the target audience seems to be females so I'm not sure how appealing it would be to male readers, but I could see it being good bibliotherapy specifically for married couples and young adults. Cons: I didn't really buy the biblical aspects of the book. I'm not saying I didn't agree with what he said, but references to many of the bible verses seemed contrite and almost gimmicky. He could have taken them all out and I think this would have sold fine as a secular self-help book. I think his counseling concepts and presentation are great, but the bibical piece seemed like an after thought and that he was saying "which verses really would fit my book" as opposed to "this is what the bible says and let me show you why" which irritated me just on a personal level. Also, as others have pointed out, the "day in a life without (and with) boundaries" at the beginning and end of the book was corny and I could have done without. Though he states often in the book that work on boundaries is not easy, the intro and concluding chapters made it seems like "just do these 5 steps and your life will be amazing."

Great book!!

This book is a game-changer! Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend provide practical and compassionate guidance for anyone struggling to set boundaries in their personal or professional life. The updated edition includes insights into modern challenges like digital boundaries, which I found particularly relevant. The authors use relatable examples and a straightforward writing style that makes the concepts easy to grasp and implement. What stood out to me most was how they emphasized that boundaries are not about shutting people out but about taking responsibility for your own well-being. It’s empowering to realize that saying "no" is not selfish—it’s essential for healthy relationships and a balanced life. I also appreciated the integration of biblical principles, which added a layer of depth for me. However, even if you’re not religious, the lessons are universally applicable. This book has helped me improve my relationships, reduce stress, and feel more in control of my life. Highly recommend to anyone looking to reclaim their time and energy while building stronger, healthier connections with others.

Highly recommend. My 2026 goal is to build more healthy boundaries with family and friends, and this has been a very wise and biblical book that I could use and apply to my daily life and all the situations that I’m currently facing.

So well written and applicable!! I want to give this book to so many of my friends. A real insight into people's behavior and an aid in dealing with people.

Extrem hilfreich und unterbewertet. Keine Augenwischerei, sondern ein solides Fundament für ein freies Leben. Obwohl man den Autoren den Background wissenschaftlicher Psychologie abspührt, basiert es auf konkreten Erfahrungen und der biblischen Grundlage. Es ist strukturiert und umfassend, ohne trocken zu sein. Man kann das Buch oder Teile davon immer wieder mit Segen lesen. Es hat meinen Glauben, meine Beziehungen, meine Ehe und andere Lebensbereiche stark bereichert. Ich habe das Hörbuch schon vorher gehört. Mit einem Buch ist es etwas übersichtlicher, da die Theorie sonst untergehen kann. Leider ist es in deutscher Übersetzung tw. sinnentstellend übersetzt und uninteressant aufgemacht.

I needed this book when I got married. WOW!!!

The book helped me reflect both on how boundaries develope in childhood and how I can apply them in adult life. I found it informative both for myself and for the Christian clients I counsel. I have made a lot of notes from this book. The update for boundaries in the digital age in the latest edition is also relevant and a useful addition to the book.

Fantastiskt bra bok, lärde mig mycket och som verkligen har hjälpt mig att börja sätta gränser på ett bra sätt. Rekommenderas!