Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day

We all have challenges dealing with boundaries, and often have boundaries that are excellent in some areas, weak in others. I might be great at setting boundaries with my friends, yet struggle to do it with my boss or lover. This book delineates the difference between defense and a boundary, and best of all, gives practical scenarios and examples of what bad boundaries, look like in action, and how an unhappy situation might play out if good boundaries were used instead.I only had a few quibbles with this book, and for a book published 15 years ago, it is remarkably broad, and still easy to read. 1) While the bulk of the book does not take an overly religious slant, by the dedication and the contents of the chapter on Spiritual Boundaries, it is evident that the author holds belief in a singular, male deity referred to as God or The Lord, and seems to presume that so does everyone else, which may be triggering or non-applicable to some readers. 2) I also felt that parental boundary violations could have been emphasized more strongly, the so-called "helicopter parents" who do everything for their children even after they reach the legal age of adulthood. 3) And while clutter was briefly touched upon, the boundary violation that is the mental illness of hoarding, could also have used some expansion.But at least I now know how to turn down Aunt Mabel's candied sweet potatoes, in a loving yet firm way. And I love the early emphasis on time boundaries, on not squandering our time by giving it away to anyone who asks for it.This book is an excellent resource and I highly recommend it for everyone.

This is a great book if you are struggling with understanding and defining boundaries. I really loved Anne's perspective and her thought process. Some of what she talks about is what I have learned through painful trial and error. So, if your boundaries feel fuzzy, this is a great book to get. I learned several new things and a clearer way of thinking about boundaries. For example: Anne talks about how it is the person with the lesser involvement who will define what sort of a relationship it is. This is true for all relationships. For example: If you have a friend who doesn't want a close friend but wants to keep you in their outer circle while you treat them as part of the inner circle, your friendship will remain a casual one. And this goes for romantic relationships and all other relationships. I had never quite thought about this so clearly. While we define our boundaries, we also need to be able to see other people's boundaries so we are clear and can create the relationships we want. This is just one example of something I learned from this book. This is a book that talks with clarity about this really important struggle in many of our lives. Highly recommend!

This is a very comprehensive book on setting and keeping healthy boundaries and handling boundary infringements successfully. There are many real life examples and conversations used to show how the boundaries are trespassed, and a retake on them to demonstrate how the issue could and should have been handled.There are many practical items of advice that you can take and apply to your life to keep and restore your boundaries. You will find yourself (or people you relate to) reflected in many of the behaviours described in the book, too.The first 11 chapters are the ones with more detailed information and more insight on boundaries. I especially liked the chapter about anger management and friends. The second part of the book focus more on daily life aspects of human relationships, and, except for some chapters (like sexual, Internet, therapist boundaries), I would consider most of the issues discussed there an etiquette or tact issue more than a proper boundary issue.The book is very easy to read, easy to understand, very didactic, and very well structured, and you can make it a manual to check different issues at different times.The main downside of the book is the fact that trifle matters like vacations or gifts are discussed with family rape and domestic violence. Those things should never be put together. Never ever. The same applies to the gender issues discussed here. I agree with all it is said about gender, but a book on boundaries is not, from my point of view, the place to discuss gender bias.

This is an excellent practical resource on how to set boundaries. I’d recommend starting with _Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin_ to set the stage for what boundaries are and why you want/need them. For many people, this comes naturally as you grow up. If you come from a family with codependent / narcissistic / abusive traits, this can seem like a foreign concept. I got this book for someone close to me, but I also read it myself. It was a huge eye-opener for my friend, and it helped me know how to best support them as they start to enforce boundaries with the toxic people in their life. I highly recommend both this and her original Boundaries book.Basically, setting boundaries is communicating to others how you want to be treated. Enforcing those boundaries can sometimes be uncomfortable, as you do have stand up to someone who isn’t respecting you. This book helps you understand how to approach setting and enforcing boundaries, particularly with unhealthy people who would rather exert control over you. There is no religious component to the books, other than addressing what appropriate boundaries should be with people in positions of power, like clergy. This was a positive thing for me, although there are religious based books on boundaries if that’s your preference.

Bought because a therapist recommended the purchase when I was going through a rough time. It helped organize a plan and my thoughts.

Good book to learn about boudaries in all aspects. Well written with examples for the readers to follow and implement. Certainly helps people who need to work on their boundaries.

So helpful for understanding relationship dynamics. The best boundary book I’ve read. Incredibly freeing to understand and practice this especially if you’ve come from a difficult family situation.

I felt that I needed to write a review for this book because I found incredibly helpful for me and I think it would be helpful for others too. For me, this book and The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron was the natural progression from Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. After Toxic Parents, one of the many things I had come to realise is that my childhood was one in which I grew up with absolutely no healthy boundaries whatsoever. Obviously this can have a lot of negative impact as an adult in many different ways.The author is a very experienced counsellor and this book offers insight and a practical guide for every day situations and different types of relationships with others and even with the world. The author is compassionate and no-nonsense at the same time. I appreciate that the author really breaks boundary issues down on particular subjects. Maybe some readers might find that too obvious, but for people who grew up with no healthy boundaries it is absolutely necessary for the author to do this.I found this book to be a valuable resource for working on my recovery and I know it is a book I will go back to again for reference. I hope this review helps other people on their own recovery journeys.

Very good read - seperated into helpful chapters using examples to help explain a range of boundaries and how not having them can have a negative impact on your mental health. Thought provoking - i found myself stopping at some points and realising just how many boundaries i lacked prior to reading this wonderful self help book. As a non-readers i can definitely recommend this book. It's easy to follow and understand. I suggest anyone who is lacking self confidence and wants to become a stronger person with a healthier set of boundaries in all areas of their life should read this :)