---
product_id: 50708715
title: "Even if it Costs me my Life: Systemic Constellations and Serious Illness Paperback – Illustrated, 9 Aug. 2011"
brand: "stephan hausner"
price: "$29.90"
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reviews_count: 8
url: https://www.desertcart.ec/products/50708715-even-if-it-costs-me-my-life-systemic-constellations-serious
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---

# Even if it Costs me my Life: Systemic Constellations and Serious Illness Paperback – Illustrated, 9 Aug. 2011

**Brand:** stephan hausner
**Price:** $29.90
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- **What is this?** Even if it Costs me my Life: Systemic Constellations and Serious Illness Paperback – Illustrated, 9 Aug. 2011 by stephan hausner
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## Customer Reviews

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ I like you even if you are gone
*by J***E on 15 November 2018*

Perls postulated that every human being is inextricably caught in a web of relationships with all things. Therefore, it is only possible to truly know one's self as one exists in relation to other things. This principle might be key to understanding the therapeutic value of the collective engagement in inherited histories that attends to the ‘psychically’ held bonds within a system.The aim of the family constellation is to locate the precise points where the bonds have become 'stuck' in the family of origin so these can be fully experienced (prefigured) and worked through, then integrated into the background - leaving the foreground free for the next relevant Gestalt, that is: “restoring the broken connection and unconscious hidden loyalties of bonds not helpful for personal freedom and growth.” Hellinger pin-pointed these areas of stuckness as “the balance of giving and taking, the fate of the family as a community of fate, and the natural orders including the right to belong - even for those who have died.Durkheim could act as a crude reference for the idea of shared culture in "solidarity" in the form of a collective conscience which Hellinger calls the ‘family conscience’. In the constellation, chosen representatives from the circle of attendees take on the feelings and physical symptoms of the patient’s current and past family members. The material unearthed, often goes beyond typical therapeutic transference phenomena and telegraphs family secrets with an unerring accuracy; or at a minimum the constellation unlocks new perspectives of choice for both the facilitator and patient. The constellation is neither a group therapy session nor a typical one-to-one psychoanalytical set-up. Amongst its functions it serves as a ‘one-shot’ experience intended to “drain the projections between the therapist and client out of the picture” thereby leaving little opportunity to sculpture pre-existing narratives of ‘woundology’ (Myss).In turning to the facilitator, when factored with the requisite 10,000 hours (Ericsson) of case load, the Zen mastery of the occasion all becomes evident. Part super sleuth, part ‘feinfühligkeit’ (empathiser) “in creating the intersubjective dimension of the healing transaction in ‘I see you are seeing me’” (Wheeler) the facilitator displays a heightened sense for “the ground dynamics of frozen attachments or aversions in the past relational field.”The hypothesis-maker also has to gather up evidence from the patient, reason inductively by building the constellation up, be fluid in reframing their position, testing them through the addition/subtraction of representatives, make deductions from previous case scenarios and become adept at experimentation amid the careful possession for “extreme circumspection and restraint in choosing the appropriate moment.” For Lao Tzu this ”determines the quality of the moment” - and the reaching out movement.What marks out Stephan, is not only ditto...all the above, but his concentration on discovering the dynamics that could possibly connect to illness and symptoms. His cases are an expression of his belief that symptoms act as a trial to create balance. For example, when an associated representative is brought in the illness representative often withdraws or when there is not a strong connection between two representatives bringing in an illness representative, post hoc ergo propter hoc, the connection often gets stronger. Another common theme is restoring one’s attachment to life through reframing the primary attachments to the parents. Sometimes Stephan concludes with a restorative phrase or sentence for the patient to utter in helping cement reconciliation, e.g. “Dearest Papa, thank you.it was a lot, and it was enough.”Dense, rich and extremely illuminating would be an apt description of the treasure trove of stories and anecdotes the case studies represent. However if the notable aim of the publication, as stated, is to take the book out of the small world of facilitators - “there are too many books that have the same limited audience.” The technical challenges of Chapter 2 alone and its 27 back-to-back studies of the heart - and all feedback and comments that go with them - is cumbersome for an introductory read In My Honest Opinion. A breakdown into themed chapters might benefit a second edition. Further, for what on the surface is a right brain spatial organisation in describing the constellation arrangements (versus the typical linearity of a talking therapy) there are, to my counting, only four genograms for the visual types amongst the readership to build up the ancestral maps, so fitting together all the movements is a time-worthy exercise.Finally, the Afterword tacked at end is a well written paper by Gordon Wheeler (President of Esalen) attempting to provide a closer look from the perspective of Gestalt. Appendix A, immediately afterwards, is a transcript of a panel conversation between Gordon (Chair), Stephan (Germany), Judith Hemming (UK), Nancy Wheeler and Deborah Ullman at the same institution a year earlier. These chapters give helpful insights into the facilitator’s working methods, and thus I would recommend Deborah’s encouragement in the Foreword, that “you could read the book from back to front.”

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Illuminating the Hidden Connections between Health and Family Dynamics
*by E***K on 19 June 2023*

Even If It Costs Me My Life: Systemic Constellations and Serious Illness" by Stephan Hausner is a thought-provoking exploration of the intricate relationship between unresolved family dynamics and serious health conditions. Hausner, a renowned psychotherapist specializing in systemic constellations, skillfully sheds light on how our familial past can have profound implications for our physical well-being.Through compelling case studies and personal anecdotes, Hausner compellingly illustrates the profound impact that unresolved family conflicts, traumas, and loyalties can have on our health. The book beautifully presents the idea that certain physical ailments or illnesses may be the manifestation of underlying systemic issues within our family systems.One of the book's strengths lies in Hausner's ability to articulate complex concepts in a clear and accessible manner. He skillfully weaves together theoretical insights with practical examples, making the content relatable and applicable to readers from all walks of life. By using systemic constellations as a complementary therapeutic tool, Hausner offers readers an empowering pathway to address and resolve deep-seated family issues that may be contributing to their health challenges.What sets this book apart is the author's unwavering compassion and empathy. Hausner demonstrates a deep understanding of the intricacies of human suffering, and his insights are conveyed with genuine care and respect for individuals navigating serious illness. This compassionate approach creates a safe and supportive space for readers to explore the hidden dynamics within their own family systems."Even If It Costs Me My Life" is a valuable resource for anyone interested in the interplay between family dynamics and health. It invites readers to embark on a journey of self-discovery, encouraging them to uncover and heal the root causes of their health issues. By integrating the wisdom of systemic constellations into the realm of serious illness, Hausner opens up new possibilities for holistic healing and well-being.In summary, this book is a captivating and enlightening read that offers profound insights into the connection between family systems and health. Stephan Hausner's expertise and compassionate approach make it a valuable resource for both individuals grappling with serious illness and practitioners seeking to expand their therapeutic toolkit. Highly recommended.

### ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Illuminating
*by A***R on 13 November 2023*

I'm studying Family and Systemic Constellations, and this book showed an insightful way of working with health and illness. I appreciated the detail and particularly the transcripts of the processes and I learned a lot. Stephan Hausner's way of working is fascinating and this book inspired me help myself in a new way. His workshops are also an incredible experience

## Frequently Bought Together

- Even if it Costs me my Life
- The Art and Practice of Family Constellations: Leading family constellations as developed by Bert Hellinger
- It Didn't Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle

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*Last updated: 2026-02-20*