When the Past Is Present: Healing the Emotional Wounds That Sabotage Our Relationships

All of David Richo's books are powerhouse threshold crossings into true psycho spiritual freedom and fulfillment of the possibiity for us to finally become whole enough in ourselves and in our human relationships, so that we can finally consider how to be in right relationship with the miraculous living planet. And you can't begin that existential journey without first becoming emotionally, somatically and psychologically and relationally literate. This book is a quintessential gateway, the graduate course on how in our adult bodies we still are enacting personas and childhood protective strategies of our past where we were emotionally and psychologically and even physically wounded by our family's, religions, over culture. The betrayals and woundings of our early lives reeks havoc and harm in our friendships, partnerships - all our relationships as we come into our adult bodies.This is one of the best guide books on "transference" I have ever read. IN very easy to understand language and tons of visible examples, you can begin to understand how you transfer unfinished emotional and psychological attempts to resolve insecurities, harm, betrayals and insecure attachments onto current relattionships, that are really about relationship breeches in past transactions that weren't "closed", "completed", "healed" in the emotional body, physical body or psyche.Read it and read it again and begin the path of becoming an expert inner tracker into the landscape of your psyche. I love offering this book along with How To Become and Adult in Relationships and Shadow Dance also by Richo.

I'll admit that I'm a snob when it comes to books. Most self-help is too simplistic, dopey, or disingenuous to me. This book exceeded all expectations. It spoke to me and to others I have shared it with in a meaningful way. Richo has an authentic, informed voice and I never felt that his words were patronizing or at all condescending. I refer to the book often and find it useful for a number of scenarios. It's not a relationship book in the traditional sense. It's about how your earliest relationships inform your present-day relations be they with parents, partners, bosses, siblings, etc. There is no promise that three easy steps will cure you of all that hurts. It helps you to figure out the roots of some of your biggest fears/hang-ups and then offers some realistic ways to acknowledge these feelings and then how to deal with them so that they may no longer disrupt your life, leaving you feeling powerless and confused. Instead of trying to pretend that scars and fears are not there or promise us there is a way that these feelings will disappear, he helps you to see how you might live with them and respond to life's challenges with better self awareness. Ultimately, Richo's book encourages equanimity and balance. Do not deny what is in the past, but don't let it handicap you.

I didn’t think much of this book to be honest, but once I started reading it I found so much useful information. The book is very well written and the author makes it easy to understand. This book is for anyone who wants to understand how their behavior is driven by. What’s behind our inability or struggle with our relationships (all types). It will in turn help you understand why the people you know behave the way they do and why people try to change somethings but keep repeating the same mistakes. It also has exercises to better yourself and the other person in the relationship, whoever they may be.

This book is immensely important for every single human being - it's just poorly written. And that's a real shame. The information is so relevant and so eye opening and so helpful - it really is too bad the author didn't revise it one or two or more times to make it more readable. Many people are not going to get through this book and that's too bad because it has so much to offer - but it's burred under awkward sentences and haphazard editing. Some of it even seems like the author's original notes that he didn't bother to put into finished chapters - but listed it all as bullet points instead.I hope someday the author will consider revising the edit and publishing a more polished version. However, if you're will to put the time into this book, it's well worth it - but be prepared to weight through it like you're on a scavenger hunt.

David Richo really knows what he's talking about. This book has been incredibly helpful to me, I've re-read each chapter a number of times. I think it really benefits from being used as a reference manual, there are so many layers in each chapter. It's packed full of insight .. in fact I finally gave up underlining because I was underlining practically everything on every page. Super helpful in understanding transference and the gigantic impact that it can have on our lives and relationships. Very serious concepts but the mood of the book is so supportive and uplifting, and makes you feel that these are things everyone has to deal with, rather than a weakness or failing in myself. I'm not a Buddhist but I find the spiritual component very generous and low-key. This is a book that has inspired me to keep trying to become my best self, even in the face of pain and difficulty.

This book is amazing. David Richo eloquently and succinctly takes the reader on a journey to psychological enlightenment. The author provides a clear and sensitive guide on how to free ourselves from our past, using the appropriate psychological terminology (which can sometimes be absent from other books on the subject).It can be quite challenging to read - concentration is required, simply because he doesn't waste pages on following case studies, but gets straight to the core of the issue that he is discussing. Consequently, each page has revelations and insights to reflect upon. It is advisable to take it slowly so that the reader can gain the optimal benefits from each insight.Having read a number of books on this subject, including some of the most popular, I can honestly advise those who are serious about gaining emotional freedom to go straight to this book.

I read many of Richo's books and well, guys this author is simply always to the point. Clear, profound, poetic and very realistic, each and everyone of us should have at least one of his helpful and meaningful books to live better.

I have learned a lot out of this audio-book. It is full of great knowledge. The language is simple and really impressive. There is some redundancy at certain parts, but it is not a significant issue.Many thanks for Dr. David Richo; an amazing author.

If you know that there’s something that you can’t quite understand about yourself and you know that something is wrong but don’t really know what, this is the book. The author’s work here is second to none, I will definitely be looking into more of his books. Of all my years in the psychologists chair, not one of them mentioned transference. You won’t regret this purchase

This book shows us how transference operates in our lifes. As all the books I have read from David Richo it is full of common sense, wisdom and compassion. But most important is that it can help to see how transference works in our lifes and make use of this insight so that we can become free of its bounds. It has useful exercices. Thank you David for your wisdom and profesionality.

I highly recommend this book to those seeking to evolve an understanding of relationship success, and what we do to undermine that inherent potential. This book well integrates psychotherapy with the spiritual, personal with the transpersonal, and the individual with the collective, to show you a proactive way forward to profound personal healing, authentic intimacy and relationship success.It represents a wealth of information for understanding how childhood emotional wounds become exposed in our intimate relationships in adult life, via the process of “transference”. That is, how we transfer our “pasts to the present”, by unconsciously placing a parent’s, former partner’s or significant other’s “face” onto our current partner. This book helps us understand why we do this, and our inherent potential to seek resolution and healing of our childhood wounds via our intimate relationships. That revelation is mind opening in itself!This book shows how our parent or sibling relationship dynamics continue to influence our lives in the present, and that the big issues played out in relationships often relate to a lack of love in our childhood (father, mother or sibling). The author’s definition of love is practically helpful; that is giving attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing people to be their authentic selves. Just placing that on your relationship dashboard for daily mindful attention is help in itself.The author helps you understand that intimate relationships are in fact vesicles for profound personal healing (resolving unfinished business from childhood), evolving our consciousness, on our journey toward authentic intimacy and perhaps our spiritual awakening. You simply cannot begin to awaken until you undertake this healing journey. The great news is we have choices; we can awaken and do the grief work; i.e. address, process, resolve & integrate the transferred behavior(s), or stay stuck in the same patterns of behavior that sabotage our relationships.Some deep self-honesty is required if you are to get the most from this book, and you will likely need to re-read this a few times because it’s so rich in insight, concepts, and wisdom. David Richo’s expertise shines and his writing style flows. I found this book really helpful and I thank him for sharing his experience and insights. Well worth the read!