A Guide to Rational Living

While I don't agree with everything Ellis has to say here (particularly about philosophy), this is among the best self-help books I've read (and I've read a fair number). In this book, Ellis argues that we've set up a lot of arbitrary rules for ourselves and that these cause a lot of our psychological distress. For example, we might take a preference like "I don't like it when it rains on weekends in summer because it messes up my golf game" and change that to something more along the lines of "it MUST NOT rain on weekends [inflexible rule]; it would be awful if it did [catastrophizing] and I couldn't stand it [low frustration tolerance]." ("Awful" being a code word for "much worse than it actually is," "total end of the world," "100% bad" or something along those lines). OK, maybe a bit of a contrived example, but you get the picture... If we held the preference that it didn't rain on weekends, we'd naturally be disappointed if it rained (perfectly normal reaction to something we dislike); if we held the rule that it MUST NOT happen (especially if we held it strongly), we'd be horrified and filled with anger at the injustice of the situation. This illustrates another thing I like about his mode of therapy - his basic realism. Stress happens, we just need to learn to respond to it without shooting ourselves in the foot. Similarly, it's not that we feel nothing in response to negative events (in the example above, we'd be genuinely disappointed that the weather prevented us from playing golf), it's just that we try to avoid overreacting. He makes the point (quite effectively, actually) that we actually make quite a lot of these rules without even realizing it; some of them may be pretty harmless but a lot of them can actually cause significant distress, psychological inflexibility, and behavioral issues, and may contribute in a significant way to various mental illnesses like depression, eating disorders, addiction, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (to name a few). For those who do struggle with compulsive behaviors, by the way, Jack Trimpey (of Rational Recovery) has several books applying the ideas in this book to addictive & compulsive behaviors and Tom Horvath (of SMART Recovery) has an excellent workbook on this - I'd encourage you to read this book as well as theirs and see if you'd be helped by them (both provide excellent alternatives to AA and other 12-step programs in my opinion). He does a great job of helping identify the thought patterns underlying distress in general as well as covering specific problems and problem behaviors (e.g. low frustration tolerance, indiscipline, etc.). People are often surprised by the lack of emphasis on "depth psychology" or examining the past. The authors' argument is that psychoanalysis failed because, regardless of how you got to your present situation, you still need to deal with your philosophy as it actually is today. My one criticism of this book is his implicit endorsement of existentialism. For example, I agree with the concept of Unconditional Self-Acceptance (see the book for details on this); however, I don't think he has a particularly good philosophical basis for this. His basic approach to self-worth is "well, you can always make it up and pretend it's true, even if you can't actually prove it." (I kid you not; in this case, this is evidently a guide to not-so-rational living). Because of his endorsement of existentialism, he's completely unable to provide an objective basis for people's intrinsic value as humans. He also seems to support moral relativism in places (which, in spite of its widespread cultural acceptance, is philosophically incoherent in my opinion). Overall, these don't detract too much from the book (except for his discussion of anger, which I think is flawed); there are definitely rational ways you can come up with an objective basis for intrinsic human worth. (In my case, I just substituted my Christian beliefs in my worth before God for his command to "make it up"). Whether you're recovering from a psychological issue or not, this is a wonderful book to read. Everyone has some issues to work on whether they think so or not. We all have times where we disturb ourselves unnecessarily, as the authors would say, and this book can help you change. Maybe not be perfect but certainly much better. I for one wish I had read this when I was much younger; it could have saved me quite a bit of unnecessary pain.

The part of this book that speaks to me is the chapter thats states that we as humans create our emotions, positive and negative by the thoughts and beliefs we entertain consistently. This is super helpful This book is a study in psychological perception.

“Thus, you may reduce your depression by using drugs or relaxation techniques. But unless you begin to think more clearly and surrender some of your Irrational Beliefs, you will tend to depress yourself again when you stop the drugs and exercises. To effect permanent and deep-seated improvements, philosophic changes seem to be best. Again, we often encourage our clients to use medication, relaxation techniques, movement therapy, yoga exercises, or other physical approaches. We believe that these techniques may help. And we teach, as we shall show later, many emotive, dramatic, fantasy, self-management, and behavior modification methods. More than most other schools of therapy, REBT [Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy] employs a comprehensive, integrative approach to treatment. We still hold, however, that if you would most thoroughly and permanently change your disturbed feelings, you’d better use considerable reasoning. Because a large element (though not the whole) of destructive emotion stems from unrealistic, illogical, and self-sabotaging thinking.” ~ Albert Ellis & Robert A. Harper from A Guide to Rational Living Well, that’s officially the longest intro quote I think we’ve had in these Notes and this is #114. But it captures the essence of A Guide to Rational Living quite well so we’ll stick with it. :) Albert Ellis, the co-author of this straight-talking book all about getting our thoughts in order so we can live happier, more fulfilled lives, was one of the most influential psychologists of the 20th century. In fact, he’s been ranked as the #2 top psychologist ever—right behind Carl Rogers (see Notes on On Becoming a Person) and ahead of Sigmund Freud. He’s essentially the founder of the modern cognitive behavioral therapy movement that’s been scientifically proven to be one of the most powerful ways to help people get out of a funk and this book is a no-nonsense, kinda old-school guide to rockin’ it. Let’s explore some of my favorite Big Ideas: 1. The Roots of Neurosis - Distorted thinking. 2. The ABC’s of Suffering - Action -> Belief -> Consequences. 3. A Frantic Search - For perfection is not a good idea. 4. Negative Emotions - Healthy vs. unhealthy. 5. Think AND Act - Pretty, please. As you get your mind right and practice the ABC’s of life, how can you show up more and more fully and give your greatest gifts in greatest service to your family, your community and your world?!

I was normally very suspicious about the self-help literature but I decided to read a few books to see what could happen. I started with this book and I should say now that it means a lot to me. So, I felt the need to write a review to be able to help people like me who are suspicious of self-help literature. The book is scientific, rational and humanistic at the same time. It's not like those popular 'you should trust yourself, you can do anything you want' type of self-help book. It shows how you create your anxiety with your unhealthy thinking and emotions and how to deal with these unhealthy emotions and thinking through rational thinking. It is not, of course, an easy process without any guidance from a psychotherapist, but it is still worth starting with.

I have read several similar books and this one clearly stands out. Well written, to the point, highly applicable and clear. I recommend to anyone interested in the subject.

En este libro, el cual tiene traduccion al castellano como "una nueva guia para una vida racional", se dan las bases para la autoayuda a traves de REBT. Esta tecnica se basa en suponer que la mayoria de nuestro sufrimiento es imaginario. Aplicandola uno evitaria sufrir mas de la cuenta a lo largo de la vida.

read this book after my therapy finished,a guide to rational living,great read,im back on track and fully understand the content of the book,reading this has helped me so much,to change the way l deal with certain situtations.life is good again thanks to the wellbeing centre l was referred too

I had never heard of REBT but I came across its concepts in a psych article and thought it was enlightening: The idea that the key to improvement isn't to be more positive, but rather to be more RATIONAL, and more broadly that by controlling our beliefs we can alter our moods. This basic premise is brilliant and at the time of the original publishing date, it was revolutionary and controversial. In fact, the first 5 chapters (which you can arguably skip) go into the science behind this theory and takes a lot of time to refute or respond to rebuttals from other doctors and researchers who questioned Ellis and Harper's theories. While I see the value in these chapters that aim to explain and set up the theory behind their methods, I found them a bit redundant and dry. The really helpful part is in the description of the most common irrational beliefs and how to alter your thinking so they don't depress or enrage you. I saw this list online and it is what inspired me to buy this book, so I will put it here for you: 1. The idea that you must have love or approval from all the significant people in your life (101). 2. The idea that you absolutely must be thoroughly competent, adequate, and achieving or The idea that you must be competent or talented in some important area (115). 3. The idea that other people absolutely must not act obnoxiously and unfairly, and, that when they do, you should blame and damn them, and see them as bad, wicked, or rotten individuals (127). 4. The idea that you have to see things as being awful, terrible, and catastrophic when you are seriously frustrated or treated unfairly (139). 5. The idea that you must be miserable when you have pressures and difficult experiences; and that you have little ability to control, and cannot change, your disturbed feelings (155). 6. The idea that if something is dangerous or fearsome, you must obsess about it and frantically try to escape from it (163). 7. The idea that you can easily avoid facing many difficulties and self-responsibilities and still lead a highly fulfilling existence (177). 8. The idea that your past remains all-important and because something once strongly influenced your life, it has to keep determining your feelings and behavior today (187). 9. The idea that people and things absolutely must be better than they are and that it is awful and horrible if you cannot change life’s grim facts to suit you (197). 10. The idea that you can achieve maximum happiness by inertia and inaction or by passively and uncommittedly enjoying yourself (207). I thought going into this that #1 was going to be the chapter that best applied to my life, but as I read I realized how much of my stress actually stems from #3. I didn't realize how much judgment I was spewing based on this irrational belief, and it also explained fights I've had with others when I've been on the receiving end of that irrationality.This book gives advice based on both sides of the fence, and has some nice sections on fostering more rational self-talk as a way to alleviate crippling feelings. The other thing that was helpful for me was realizing that I was already practicing a lot of this, and it made me thankful for my father who always challenged my perspectives whenever I got worked up about "nothing." I also recently had a friend who was telling me that I am too calm and I should be more upset about things (my dysfunctional childhood, the loss of a loved one) and I got kind of worked up and wondered if I was "in denial" or "too cold." Reading this made me realize that I was actually responding in a really healthy way--letting myself feel deep emotions but snapping out of it, and approaching my life from the "big picture," and thinking rationally as a way to stave off long-term depression, resentment, and anxiety. I didn't give this 5 stars because of the writing style and awkward client conversations that are used as the primary examples for each irrational belief. This was first published in 1961, and it shows. It is rather dated and the diction and conversations reveal its age. I found it amusing, but I could see how a modern reader might be alienated by it, and I wonder if an updated version might be helpful. Additionally, the writers come of as glib, arrogant, and insensitive. They're almost mocking the clients, at times, and think of their approach to psychoanalysis as "tough love." They were speaking very nonchalantly about topics like death and suicide. They kind of encourage people to "just get over a death" by realizing that "it isn't a DISASTER" and "YOU're not the one who is dead." It was pretty awkward, and I felt myself cringing. I do understand that they talk about "healthy grieving" and encourage people to have deep feelings; rather they are aiming to discuss neuroses, and use an example of a man who was still grieving 7 years later over his mother's death as intensely as the day after (to exemplify irrational belief #5). Also in their defense, I appreciated (at times) their levity, which highlights the absurdity in some of the clients' beliefs (it is also helpful to laugh at yourself when you are thinking so crazily), but it was often strange and even uncomfortable to read their fairly impersonal recount of their clients' issues and to make light of grave topics. Saying things like, "if you're children die it isn't the end of the world," or "if this is so upsetting, then you can commit suicide" really detracts from their credibility. I also recognize, in defense of the authors, that the conversations are excerpted and probably taken out of context, being used to highlight the irrationality of the beliefs (which is what this book is about, after all) rather than to highlight their bedside manner, But I can see this turning off readers. Personally, I think that some combination of empathy and reasoning may be the ideal, and I would NOT recommend speaking to friends like this. As a whole, I would recommend this book and think it has the potential to change the way you think, and in turn the way you feel. I know a few people with depression and anxiety issues, and this has also helped me understand them (what they're thinking and why it is so detrimental to their mental health). I am aiming to change the way I communicate with both myself and with these friends.